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Name: Julian
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: Philadelphia
Birthday: 5/17/1989
Gender: Male


Interests: I could use this section to make myself sound really interesting, but attempts at that always end up looking really pompous.My brain is divided into thirds--a section for Pokemon, a section for America's Next Top Model, and a section for the zoo. Other information is squeezed in when possible.
Expertise: I have extensive training in the art of Buzz-fu, the secret martial arts of the BEE MASTER.
Occupation: Educator
Industry: The Zoo


Message: message me
AIM: Guru Bishisama0


Member Since: 5/5/2004

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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

3. Battle Crab


Season 1, Episode 3
Challenger's Specialty: French and Asian
My Final Dish: Crab and Veggie Tempura

Crustaceans are a prolific group of arthropods, defined by a number of characteristics, most obviously their strong exoskeletons and their gills. (All crustaceans have gills, even those that don't live in water, which is why land dwelling crustaceans, like pillbugs, must live in damp places.) Crabs are a specific group of crustacean with reduced abdomens and tails, as well as claws (usually.)

There are a zillion kinds of crabs (approximately), both freshwater and saltwater species, found all over the world in all sizes. A huge number of them are used in cooking, and since they are found in all parts of the world, they show up in the cuisines of many different culture.

Unfortunately for me, the French culture isn't so fond of crabs, so I stuck to Asian on this dish. There were a number of options, a lot of which were salads, and let's be real--throwing a bunch of stuff into a bowl and mixing it up isn't really cooking.

Also unfortunately for me, my dad decided to cook crabcakes this weekend (my grandparents were in town, so a spicy Asian crabcake wouldn't have gone over well with them. The leftover crab was then used for crab sauce the next night, and you won't believe what mom cooked the night after that (crab legs!!!! woo.)

So I am up to fucking here with crabs, hot damn. I wanted to try something different, so I went for the Japanese style of tempura. Tempura is a fried dish, but it is different in that the food is only battered, not breaded. The batter itself gets it's fluffy consistency from being kept cold until fried. I was quite frankly, scared shitless at the prospect of cooking it, if only because I was convinced I would overblend the batter or get it too warm.

The batter itself can be homemade but I bought the mix at the supermarket and I think for my first time, it was a much safer bet. The batter can be mixed a number of ways, either with water and ice or seltzer--I used seltzer because we have a ton lying around, otherwise I would have just gone for the crushed ice method. The food is then dipped in the batter, but not too heavily--you only want a thin layer so it stays light and crispy. I don't have a deep fryer, so I did my frying in a deep pan with about 1 1/2 inches of vegetable oil for about 3 minutes per batch.

For the items to tempura, I used king crab leg, which is sold precooked. I then boiled it to reheat it and removed the shell to batter the meat. Tempura is most often done to veggies, however, so I accompanied the crab with green peppers, asparagus, and broccoli. The tempura frying cooked all of the veggies wonderfully--the peppers were by far the most delicious part. The accompanying sauce was just rice wine vinegar, soy sauce, and fresh ginger.

So that's it for crab... thankfully. I've had enough of it this week to last me a good long while (or at least until ingredient 35, which is Dungeness Crab.) The tempura turned out really nicely, but it was way too messy and required too much stuff to be a frequent dish. up next is #4 Cheese (New American). I don't know what makes something "new" but I'm not so sure I really care. I'm looking forward to this one, as it's quite open ended.


Thursday, November 05, 2009

2. Battle Mushrooms


Season 1, Episode 2
Challenger's Specialty: Contemporary American
My Final Dish: Portobello Burgers with Provolone and Grilled Onion

Mushrooms are fungi, a kingdom of organisms characterized by a number of things, but are most notable for existing somewhere between plant and animal. Fungus feeds on other organic compounds, and cannot produce it's own nourishment in the way plants can, yet they also possess the cell walls that give plants their firmness. Mushrooms are the name given to the "fruit" of fungus, the part of the fungus that produces the spores it needs to reproduce.

Culinarily speaking, mushrooms pop up everywhere, and there are dozens upon dozens of varieties of edible mushrooms. By far the most common, however, is the ever so appropriately named common mushroom, which is cultivated and sold at three stages. At it's smallest, the mushroom is tiny, white and compact, often known as white mushrooms. The "adolescent" stage begins to turn brown and slowly starts to sprout. These are known as brown mushrooms. The adult form produces an enormous, fully bloomed cap--the Portobello.

I will admit, I am not a big eater of mushrooms, and a lot of it has been based on misconceptions. When I started to wash the portobello caps, I shuddered at how slimy they felt under the water. I was convinced this would be less than appetizing. Furthermore, there was apprehension in preparing this dish. I'd done scallops before, but never mushrooms.

Fungi are actually more genetically similar to animals than plants, and the taste of mushrooms is similar--portobellos, especially, are notable for their meatiness. They may grow from the ground, but these are nothing like veggies. The meatiness was a pleasant surprise, and the final dish ended up tasting incredible.

The caps were marinated in a mixture of balsamic vinegar, olive oil, minced garlic, and freshly chopped basil and oregano for about fifteen minutes. They then went out on the grill for about six minutes per side, and were topped with provolone for the last two. The red onion slices were brushed with olive oil and grilled alongside them. I also prepared an actual hamburger for my sister, who is by no means an adventurous eater. I served it with kettle chips and baby carrots. Whoopee.

I would absolutely cook this one again, but my sister won't eat it and my dad doesn't eat cheese, which I think was one of the most important layers of flavor in this dish. I'm sure I'll find another opportunity to whip it up.

Coming up next is # 3- Crab (French/Asian). I have no idea what I'm going to make, considering the French don't seem very fond of crab. I think I'll lean towards Asian this time.



Tuesday, November 03, 2009

1. Battle Scallops


Season 1, Episode 1
Challenger's Specialty: Italian
My Final Dish: Scampi Style Scallops with Spaghetti

Scallops are a bivalve mollusk, the name derived from an Old French word meaning "Shell". They are unusual amongst bivalves in that they are migratory, which is why the muscle in scallops are so much larger than other bivalves.

Scallops are one of my favorite foods and I am extremely grateful that this was the first dish, given I've prepared this one before just the way my mom taught me, whoopee~

I used frozen scallops because we had them. I don't think there's that much of a difference between frozen and fresh, at least not when it comes to scallops, but what do I know right? After cleaning them, I coated them in a thin layer of flour and seasoned with salt and pepper, and then sauteed them in butter and oil for about 5 minutes (2 1/2 mins per side.) When the scallops were cooked, I removed them from the pan and then added chopped garlic, clam juice and vermouth ( a white wine often used in cooking) and let the sauce reduce. I then mixed the scallops back into the sauce for a couple more minutes, and then poured them and the sauce in with the pasta, which was already cooked. I tossed and then served alongside blanched snow peas. Voila~!

And thus, it is done. The first self appointed culinary challenge out of 115. Number two is slated for Thursday night--the challenge is #2- Mushrooms (Contemporary American). I don't eat mushrooms a lot, so this will be an adventure I'm sure.


Monday, November 02, 2009

I want to be Julie Powell.

Not going back to school has been great in a lot of ways. I have been a lot less stressed out, for the most part. It's been unbelievable to feel like I have freedom for once. Even though I'm living at home, I feel a thousand times more independent than I ever did living in a college dorm.

I'm going to start dog walking soon--just need to get all the details squared away, you know, things like the ever so lovely criminal background check and whatnot. I'll also hear back from Philly Zoo soon to find out if I got a job with them or not. Here's hoping.

Though not having to worry about school has been a nice feeling, there are still other ways to find stress--namely dad, who likes to remind me often that I'm sitting around and wasting my time. He's constantly suggested that I read more or learn to cook or do something productive--of course, our definitions of productive differ greatly (I find reading fanfiction and playing video games extremely productive. He does not.)

The biggest thing I've been doing with my free time, however, is watch the Food Network. How did I not know the magic of this channel until recently? My favorite show on the Food Network would have to be Iron Chef. Cooking as a blood sport--how is that not amazing?

For those of you who have never seen it, allow me to explain the premise. An experienced chef, the challenger, enters Kitchen Stadium and challenges one of the five Iron Chefs to a cook off, in which they have an hour to prepare a five course meal for a panel of judges. The twist is that each episode has a "secret ingredient"--an item that must feature in all five dishes in one way or another.

So here is where I tie this entry together. I am going to learn to cook, per my dads' wishes that I do something more productive. I am going to do so by sort of ripping off the Julie from "Julie and Julia." And I will do so by cooking 115 dishes, each one featuring the secret ingredient from an episode of Iron Chef, cooked in the culinary style of that episodes' challenger. I will not give myself a deadline like Julie did, because I don't want to--however, I would hope that it doesn't take more than a year. I will be cooking the dishes in order of the episodes, so therefore, my first dish will be... 1. Scallops (Italian).

Is this pretentious? Absolutely. Do I care? Kind of. But god damn it, I want an excuse to make lots and lots of weird food and this is as good of an excuse as any, right?



Sunday, November 01, 2009

America's Next Top Model, Cycle 13- Halfway There

Well okay, the cycle is more than halfway over--there are only three episodes left before America's Next Tiny Model is selected, and only five of them remain! Congrachelations!
Let's look at the casualty count thusfar-
1. Lisa, out in episode one, see last post for deets
2. Rachel, who despite her heinously enormous eyeballs, couldn't overcome being completely boring at a surprise outside of panel elimination
3. Courtney, kicked off to make me feel sad
4. Lulu, resident homo who was stricken with a case of Spontaneous Cunt Edit
5. Bijanka, let go when the judges could no longer overlook the fact that she wasn't pretty
6. Ashley, who just couldn't stop being a suck
7. Kara, a deep fried drag queen with a freakishly distracting lazy eye and a horrifying bitch streak who, upon being eliminated proclaimed "I shouldn't have even bothered trying out if I wasn't going to win"
8. Rae, who was there... supposedly
9. Brittany, whose mummified appearance usually managed to vanish somehow in her pictures. Nevertheless, she was kind of not pretty and eliminated for being too analytical. Which, if you watch her CoverGirl Commercial, doesn't even begin to describe her personality.

In the weeks that have passed since the premiere, there have, of course, been other developments. The girls have had to race through Wal Mart, perform a dance routine while wearing Jason-esque white masks, and learn to surf. These are just examples of some of the many extremely relevant tasks they have had to master, as most real models have done as well. The show also got a foxy fresh new elimination track courtesy of Marvin Fequiere, the husband of Cycle 10 Alum Stacy-Ann (aka the lap dance girl with the squeaky voice). Be warned, when I call it foxy fresh, I mean that it is the textbook definition of lolwut and may cause you extreme embarassment if you listen to it in a place where others can hear it.

Anyway, we are now down to five girls, and the photo assignments they have had are as follows-
1. Recreating photos of themselves as babies, which can be seen in the premiere recap a couple of entries down.
2. Because Seabiscuit was also too a shrimp who made it in a big horse's world, the girls were asked to pose alongside a horse and jockey. This is America's Next Top Model, though, so to keep it "fashion" the girls were also portraying a sort of riff on Lady Godiva.
3. In a cycle about embracing shortness, the girls had to make themselves appear tall... somehow.
4. Tyra took time out of her busy schedule to photograph beauty shots of the gurrals, in which they had their hair wrapped in fabric so they could resemble Tyra when she first wakes up. I am not making this up, she actually said that and then flashed a pic onscreen to punctuate the point.
5. The models were whisked away to Vegass to pose with Cirque Du Soliel in groups. Whee.
6. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Erroneously labeled as being "Ninjas" by everyone involved, despite the fact the weapons are clearly chinese and they were doing the shoot in a Chinese martial arts studio.
7. The girls got to write their own CoverGirl Commercial Script and then perform it. Despite being a "world renowned fashion photographer", Nigel was their director for some reason. I blame budget cuts.
8. I also blame budget cuts for their overseas destination--Hawaii--which only technically counts as overseas. Despite being a cop out, the location is beautiful and the planned shoots sound great so I'm not complaining. Anyway, for their first week in Hawaii, the girls celebrated Hawaii's multicultural community by transforming into biracial models. The shoot was attacked the day after the episode by various media outlets for being "blackface." This is of course, bogus, considering that no matter how controversy hungry she is, Tyra herself is black and I don't think she's THAT stupid, not to mention the show has changed the girls races before FIVE YEARS AGO.

ERIN
Aka "The Whiny Brat", 18, Kenosha, WI



Alongisde Nicole and Sundai


Biracial Idenity: Tibetan and Egyptian

Watch Her CoverGirl Commercial Here
Erin is a little weird looking in person, thanks to Tyra's bizarre decision to bleach away her eyebrows. You get used to seeing it after an entire cycle, but you still can't help but wonder what the fuck happened to her face. Fortunately for her, the eyebrowless look usually photographs wonderfully, and Erin has certianly manged to impress on film.
Unfortunately for her, she is also a raging, immature bitch who needs to learn the long forgotten art of shutting thyself the flying fuck up. Every episode features Erin finding something to complain about or someone to smacktalk--most recently, she threw a hissy fit when she did badly at the CoverGirl commercial and later griped that her challenge prize, a helicopter flight over Hawaii, was boring and she would have rather gotten jewelry or something. Mhm.

WHY SHE'LL WIN
-Strong Photos
-Um...
-Yeah
WHY SHE WON'T
-She's annoying
-Tyra knows she's annoying
-Hell, everyone knows she's annoying

JENNIFER
Aka "The Asian Preselect", 23, Philadelphia PA (Woo Woo!)



 Alongside Brittany and Rae


Biracial Identity: Botswanan and Polynesian

Watch Her CoverGirl Commercial Here
Hey Girls!
So I've blogged about Jennifer before, and I undestand she isn't everyone's cup of tea, mostly because people hate Asians, but that is besides the point. I personally feel that though her portfolio has a few rough spots, she's been a solid performer on the whole, and it's pretty clear she's a lock for the final, considering she hasn't done anything to bother the judges too heinously yet.
Of course, she bothers the viewers, specifically the ones on that forum that I often ask myself why I read so religously, as they are all convinced Tyra has pre selected her as the winner based on her race and Tyra's need to fill quotas. They all believe she will probably be in the final two with Nicole, who is by all counts the strongest girl this cycle and the one who should win, and she'll take the title because Tyra won't want the inevitable backlash for chosing a white girl over an Asian (see Whitney, Cycle 10's Plus Sized Winner for more details on this phenomenon).
And of course, they are probably all right in assuming this--but because she is a Philly Girl, she clearly SHOULD win. Yeah, that's right.

WHY SHE'LL WIN:
-Cute
-Race Quotas
-Funny Third Thing
WHY SHE WON'T:
-Because Tyra knows you're still mad about Anya
-Because She'll be up against Nicole, who is pretty much perfect
-Because one eye is bigger than the other, no really

LAURA
Aka "The Loveable Hick" 19, Stanford KY



Alongside Ashley and Kara (regrettably, seeing as they bring down the quality of the overall image with their fug)


Biracial Identiy: Mexican and Greek


Laura is the three legged puppy of the show, let loose with the others to make the viewers let out at least one "aww" per episode. She is oodles of cute (which, scientifically speaking, is roughly equivalent to a shit ton of cute), not to mention she is endearing to the umpteenth degree with her charming accent, her sense of humor, and her extremely earnest desire to win.
The judges like to underrate Laura, because they know it will make the audience want to hug her even more than they already do. Laura could be our underdog winner, or she could be gearing up for the most heartbreaking elimination ever (or at least since Marjaleigh was split up in cycle 11.)

WHY SHE'LL WIN:
-Because everyone loves her
-Because she should
-Because I want her too, dammit!!!!
WHY SHE WON'T:
-Because the judges seem to dislike her at times for random reasons
-Because dyslexics arent' CoverGirls
-Because she'll be eliminated in favor of someone far weirder.

NICOLE
Aka "America's Favorite Freak Show", 18, Louisville CO




Biracial Idenity: Malagasy and Japanese


Nicole is flawlessly photogenic and borderline socially retarded--a combination Top Model has always been fond of and is sure to employ on every cycle. Of course, Nicole's lack of social graces has lead the other girls to describe her as boring, and also to seethingly despise her for no real reason, even though we haven't really seen anything that despicable out of her. Girls who are mean to Nicole have a nasty habit of getting eliminated, however, which means that for once, the Goddess of Fierce might be on the side of Weird. Which, considering how batshit crazy Tyra is in the first place, makes it a little odd that she hasn't been throwing the crown to the freakiest model to walk in the room every season.

WHY SHE'LL WIN
-Unlike other Token Awkwards, she actually is good at everything, including commercials, go sees and runway
-The camera loves her... you know, as like, more than a friend
-
She's so liekable, she might even be a mudkip
WHY SHE WON'T
-Because she's White. Sucks for her.

SUNDAI
Aka "The Little Engine that Couldn't", 18, Bakersfield CA




Biracial Idenity: Moroccan and Russian


Sundai is beautiful, infectiously energetic, funny, and apparently, she really likes noodles. She is also the shortest ANTM girl ever, which combined with her face and personality seems like it would give way to a really great underdog edit.
Alas, poor Sundai has the distinction of being decent to good when everyone else is good to freaking fabulous, and with only three episodes left, it's clear she won't shape up in time for it to matter--even if her last few shots are incredible, it will be tough to deny the consistency of the rest of the back. Of course, she was saddled with a heinously awkward "Rihanna Inspired' makeover which was recently, out of nowhere, replaced by a more flattering weave with no mention by anyone of the obvious change.
Ultimatley, Sundai would have had better luck on a Multiple of Three Cycle, as they are the cycles designated for black winners.

WHY SHE'LL WIN:
-Why do a short cycle unless you're going to pick someone really, really short?
- Because she really wants it
-Oh hell, who am I kidding
WHY SHE'LL WIN:
-Nicole is has better pictures
-Laura has better jokes
-Erin's a better bitch

Anyway, Youtube is down right now so I don't have all of their commercials linked but if you really care you can seek them out yourself.
The last three weeks will supposedly have more phun ahead, including an undewater shoot and a photoshoot where they will portray Pele, the most famous of Hawaiian godesses. Of course, none of this is as important as the biggest twist yet--the episode description has fortold of a double elimination at the final four, meaning that for the first time ever, only two models will make it to the finale episode. Shock and Awe abound.




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